Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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