spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
