i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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