Tell her she can't have a vagina
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
