Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Drunk is not a location!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
