I think I died a long time ago.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's just like the Real World with babies
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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