btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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