And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
