Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
