Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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