Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
