you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
