I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
