I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
