my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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