so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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