Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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