My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
