I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
