I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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