Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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