This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
