I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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