apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
