I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
