I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
