i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
