It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
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She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
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he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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