I can tuck mytits in my pants
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
