You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
