To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
