New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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