im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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