So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
