She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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