I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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