I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
