i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
