Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
