he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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