Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
