my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
