i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
