Only a mothe r could love this liver
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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