you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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