Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
