I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
