Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize