mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
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Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
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No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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