He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
