how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
