The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
