mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
