I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
