my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
please come you make the beer taste better
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
