Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize