Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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