Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
