nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
