Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
