The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
