I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
