You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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