Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
