Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
