I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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