What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
